New STD in a Committed Relationship – Is he Cheating on You?

You just got an STD – Has he been cheating on you?

So you’ve been in a relationship with your man for a while, and suddenly you start to get symptoms of a sexually transmitted disease (STD).  You get a test, and it’s confirmed – you have an STD. You haven’t slept with anyone but your man for months.  Does this mean your man is cheating on you?  Not necessarily. Here are some things to think about before you accuse your man of cheating on you:

  1. STD’s can be Asymptomatic

Just because you are suddenly showing symptoms of an STD, it doesn’t mean that you just contracted it.  Many STD’s including chlamydia, herpes and syphilis can show no symptoms for many months after contracting the disease.  Some people will never see a symptom, but they can carry the disease for years.  This is why it is important to get tested for all STD’s once or twice every year.


  1. You Don’t Have to Have Sex to get an STD

You don’t necessarily have to have sex in order to get a sexually transmitted disease.  Sounds a bit odd, but it’s true.  Do you ever get your bikini line waxed?  If the place you went to doesn’t use a new smear stick for each application of wax, STD’s can breed in the large wax container.  If the person getting waxed before you had an STD, you could potentially get it next.  Ever shared a shower scrub with another female?  Some STD’s can be passed on that way as well.


  1. Getting Tested

If you and your man decided to throw away the condoms without getting tested – either one of you may have brought the STD with you into the relationship.  Before the condoms are tossed out the window, both you and partner should have a full STD test.  Get tested for everything – Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Syphilis, HIV, Hepatitis, Herpes.  If you’ve never been tested before, it’s even more reason to do so now.


  1. Talk to Your Man

While everything above is true, you can’t automatically rule out that he isn’t cheating you.    He needs to get tested as well.  He may be lucky and not even have the disease yet.  If he does have it, and it’s likely he does as he was having sex with you, the important thing is that you both get treated promptly.  Suggest getting regular tests together just in case.  If he is sleeping around, this could be a good deterrent as well.

I Cheated – Should I Tell Him?

Should you tell him you cheated?

So you made a mistake and things went a little too far one night.  You had a few too many after-work drinks and went home with a co-worker, or you crossed some boundaries with a friend of yours.  However it happened, you cheated on your man, and you feel guilty.  Should you tell him you cheated?  It’s definitely not an easy decision.  Here are some things to think about:


  1. Will He Find Out?

If you are having doubts about whether to tell him you cheated, you need to think about whether or not there is any way that he will find out.   If it happened with a stranger while on a work trip, chances are slim it would ever get back to your man.  However, if it happened with a co-worker or close friend, the chances of him finding out are high – and it’s going to be a lot easier for him to find out from you instead of someone else.  If you are the one to tell him, you can decide when and how he finds out.  If the chances are high that he will find out from somewhere else, it may be best to bite the bullet and tell him yourself.


  1. How Will a Secret Affect the Relationship?

If you do not want to tell him, you need to understand how keeping a secret like this will affect your relationship.  You will always be aware of what you did, and if you’re like most people, the secret will quietly follow you everywhere you go.  You may become suspicious of things that he tells you.  You may start to blame yourself or even him – and begin arguments where none are needed.  If you don’t clear the air, you may end up destroying your relationship for other reasons.


  1. Are You Ready For the Consequences?

If you’ve weighed the pros and cons and decide to tell him – be ready for any decision he makes about how to deal with the situation.  If he asks for time – give him time.  You need to accept your guilt and allow him to hold the cards for a little while.  If he sends you out the door, you need to be ready for that too.  If the relationship is important to you, you will need to check your ego at the door and work hard to gain that trust back.

Physical Cheating vs. Emotional Cheating

Is your man building an emotional intimacy with another woman? It may be considered emotional cheating.

When people talk about cheating, more often than not they are talking about a physical act of cheating.  A physical act of cheating would be sleeping with another person or other physical behaviour deemed unacceptable in the relationship.  However, there is another type of cheating that is a lot less talked about but no less hurtful.  This type of cheating is called emotional cheating.  Let’s take a closer look:

  1. Knowing the Difference

Understanding a physical act of cheating is pretty easy.  If a partner has crossed a line physically with someone else – this is clearly an act of physical cheating.  Emotional cheating has a few more grey areas.  It is harder to judge if an emotional line has been crossed.  However, if your man is talking to another woman on the phone for hours, meeting up for coffee with her in the afternoon, and writing emails back and forth all day, you have reason to be upset by this.  Just because he is not doing anything physically with her, it does not mean that he is not intimate with her.  Expressing your intimate feelings, dreams, desires – is something usually done between you and your partner.  If he is talking to you less, and her more – you have a right to feel betrayed.  Emotional intimacy is the glue that holds healthy relationships together.


  1. Emotional Cheating can lead to Physical Cheating

Having an emotional relationship does not always mean that they are meeting in person.  The talking could be done over phone, email, text, etc.  However, if they are meeting in person, there is a good chance this relationship will turn into something physical.  They already have a great connection mentally which is harder to achieve than physical chemistry which means they’ve already got step one covered – step two (physical connection) is likely to follow.


  1. How it Damages the Relationship

If he is emotionally bonding with another woman, the bond with you is going to suffer.  He simply can not give himself fully to two separate women. The longer he keeps it up with the other woman, the more your relationship with him will suffer, and will more than likely end because of this.

It may be hard to classify emotional cheating and he may believe he’s doing nothing wrong because he’s not being physical.  However, a strong emotional bond is important and he should not jeopardize it.